As a child, Kim Eun Mi Young hated being different.
DIFFERENT Kim Eun Mi Young in an undated photo with her brothers, David, left, and Shawn. Growing up, she says, “at no time did I consider myself anything other than white.”
When her father brought home toys, a record and a picture book on South Korea, the country from which she was adopted in 1961, she ignored them.
Growing up in Georgia, Kansas and Hawaii, in a military family, she would date only white teenagers, even when Asian boys were around.
“At no time did I consider myself anything other than white,” said Ms. Young, 48, who lives in San Antonio. “I had no sense of any identity as a Korean woman. Dating an Asian man would have forced me to accept who I was.”
It was not until she was in her 30s that she began to explore her Korean heritage. One night, after going out to celebrate with her husband at the time, she says she broke down and began crying uncontrollably.
“I remember sitting there thinking, where is my mother? Why did she leave me? Why couldn’t she struggle to keep me?” she said. “That was the beginning of my journey to find out who I am.”
The experiences of Ms. Young are common among adopted children from Korea, according to one of the largest studies of transracial adoptions, which is to be released on Monday. The report, which focuses on the first generation of children adopted from South Korea, found that 78 percent of those who responded had considered themselves to be white or had wanted to be white when they were children. Sixty percent indicated their racial identity had become important by the time they were in middle school, and, as adults, nearly 61 percent said they had traveled to Korea both to learn more about the culture and to find their birth parents.
Like Ms. Young, most Korean adoptees were raised in predominantly white neighborhoods and saw few, if any, people who looked like them. The report also found that the children were teased and experienced racial discrimination, often from teachers. And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group.
As a result, many of them have had trouble coming to terms with their racial and ethnic identities.
The report was issued by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a nonprofit adoption research and policy group based in New York. Since 1953, parents in the United States have adopted more than a half-million children from other countries, the vast majority of them from orphanages in Asia, South America and, most recently, Africa. Yet the impact of such adoptions on identity has been only sporadically studied. The authors of the Donaldson Adoption Institute study said they hoped their work would guide policymakers, parents and adoption agencies in helping the current generation of children adopted from Asian countries to form healthy identities.
“So much of the research on transracial adoption has been done from the perspective of adoptive parents or adolescent children,” said Adam Pertman, executive director of the institute. “We wanted to be able to draw on the knowledge and life experience of a group of individuals who can provide insight into what we need to do better.”
The study recommends several changes in adoption practices that the institute said are important, including better support for adoptive parents and recognition that adoption grows in significance for their children from young adulthood on, and throughout adulthood.
South Korea was the first country from which Americans adopted in significant numbers. From 1953 to 2007, an estimated 160,000 South Korean children were adopted by people from other countries, most of them in the United States. They make up the largest group of transracial adoptees in the United States and, by some estimates, are 10 percent of the nation’s Korean population.
The report says that significant changes have occurred since the first generation of adopted children were brought to the United States, a time when parents were told to assimilate the children into their families without regard for their native culture.
Yet even adoptees who are exposed to their culture and have parents who discuss issues of race and discrimination say they found it difficult growing up.
Heidi Weitzman, who was adopted from Korea when she was 7 months old and who grew up in ethnically mixed neighborhoods in St. Paul, said her parents were in touch with other parents with Korean children and even offered to send her to a “culture camp” where she could learn about her heritage.
“But I hated it,” said Ms. Weitzman, a mental health therapist in St. Paul. “I didn’t want to do anything that made me stand out as being Korean. Being surrounded by people who were blonds and brunets, I just thought that I was white.” It was not until she moved to New York after college that she began to become comfortable with being Korean.
“I was 21 before I could look in the mirror and not be surprised by what I saw staring back at me,” she said. “The process of discovering who I am has been a long process, and I’m still on it.”
Ms. Weitzman’s road to self-discovery was fairly typical of the 179 Korean adoptees with two Caucasian parents who responded to the Donaldson Adoption Institute survey. Most said they began to think of themselves more as Korean when they attended college or moved to ethnically diverse neighborhoods as adults.
For Joel Ballantyne, a high school teacher in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., who was adopted by white parents in 1977, the study confirms many of the feelings that he and other adoptees have tried to explain for years.
“This offers proof that we’re not crazy or just being ungrateful to our adoptive parents when we talk about our experiences,” said Mr. Ballantyne, 35, who was adopted at age 3 and who grew up in Alabama, Texas and, finally, California.
Jennifer Town, 33, agreed.
“A lot of adoptees have problems talking about these issues with their adoptive families,” she said. “They take it as some kind of rejection of them when we’re just trying to figure out who we are.”
Ms. Town, who was adopted in 1979 and raised in a small town in Minnesota, recalled that during college, when she announced that she was going to Korea to find out more about her past, her parents “freaked out.”
“They saw it as a rejection,” she said. “My adoptive mother is really into genealogy, tracing her family to Sweden, and she was upset with me because I wanted to find out who I was.”
Mr. Ballantyne said he received a similar reaction when he told his parents of plans to travel to Korea.
The Donaldson Adoption Institute’s study concludes that such trips are among the many ways that parents and adoption agencies could help adoptees deal with their struggle with identity and race. But both Ms. Towns and Mr. Ballantyne said that while traveling to South Korea was an eye-opening experience in many ways, it was also disheartening.
Many Koreans, they said, did not consider them to be “real Koreans” because they did not speak the language or seem to understand the culture.
Mr. Ballantyne tracked down his maternal grandmother, but when he met her, he said, she scolded him for not learning Korean before he came.
“She was the one who had put me up for adoption,” he said. “So that just created tension between us. Even as I was leaving, she continued to say I needed to learn Korean before I came by again.”
Sonya Wilson, adopted in 1976 by a white family in Clarissa, Minn., says that although she shares many of the experiences of those interviewed in the study — she grew up as the only Asian in a town of 600 — policy changes must address why children are put up for adoption, and should do more to help single women in South Korea keep their children. “This study does not address any of these issues,” Ms. Wilson said.
Ms. Young said the study was helpful, but that it came too late to help people like her.
“I wish someone had done something like this when I was growing up,” she said.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
You Go! John Cho!
I had heard that John Cho was going to be the first Korean Actor to be starring on a major television detective show called - Flash Forward. What I didn't know is that his character has a fiance and his fiance is Gabrielle Union - drop dead gorgeous Nubian princess! I was floored! The role was complete with on-screen kisses and even a post coital hotel scene describing their wedding day.
In 2000 when I met my now ex-wife I was doing lots of modeling and acting gigs. And once the word got out that my fiance was African-American soon after we got many phone calls from my agency about doing print ads together. We did spreads for Baby Talk Magazine, Parenting Magazine, and even a campaign for Martha Stewart Bedding. We were the anomaly in the industry. And quite possibly the only Korean male and Black Model real couple at that time. And our children were snatched up as soon as they came out of the womb by Tommy Hilfiger, Toys R us, Baby Phat, Target, and the Children's Place for ad campaigns. It was a truly amazing minute in all of our lives.
So FLASH FORWARD 9 years into the future. John Cho is on a television show where in 6 months he will be dead so eventually his marriage is over too! So the question exists...Do Korean Male and African American Female Marriages Last? At least in the television show death becomes him. But in my reality,the truth of the situation is much more complex. However, I did meet a couple in NYC that was together for like 15 years or something. So they made it through the fire. But seemingly my marriage didn't and we crashed somewhere between super stardom and waiting tables.
But what I am happy to see is that John Cho's Character is a huge breakthrough in Asian Male Sexuality on film. So kudos John you are my shining light and are the champion that Korean Males have been waiting for to help the transition of the image of Korean/Asian American Males in mainstream media. Thank you for the writer (Lindsay Allen) who chose very progressive visual. To finally see a couple on television that emulates what my marriage was is so amazing, and to see him portrayed as a male who actually has a penis which hot women might desire is doubly amazing! Eat your heart out YUL KWON! John beat us both to the punch! It's amazing to see how being a pot smoking financial analyst in HAROLD and KUMAR can take you places!
I hope that the show's popularity grows. Hopefully it will have a bit of a ripple effect where even in middle America, interracial marriages become somewhat normal as same sex marriages, but then again those ultra conservatives might define a marriage as a unity between a man and a female of the same race and proponents of proposition 8 would be once again dancing in the streets.
But for now this small victory goes to John Cho! My first Korean American on-screen hero! Way to go John! I was hating on you for stealing my Captain Sulu role in the new Star Trek but now, I'm living my life vicariously through you. Keep it up!
VSCL
In 2000 when I met my now ex-wife I was doing lots of modeling and acting gigs. And once the word got out that my fiance was African-American soon after we got many phone calls from my agency about doing print ads together. We did spreads for Baby Talk Magazine, Parenting Magazine, and even a campaign for Martha Stewart Bedding. We were the anomaly in the industry. And quite possibly the only Korean male and Black Model real couple at that time. And our children were snatched up as soon as they came out of the womb by Tommy Hilfiger, Toys R us, Baby Phat, Target, and the Children's Place for ad campaigns. It was a truly amazing minute in all of our lives.
So FLASH FORWARD 9 years into the future. John Cho is on a television show where in 6 months he will be dead so eventually his marriage is over too! So the question exists...Do Korean Male and African American Female Marriages Last? At least in the television show death becomes him. But in my reality,the truth of the situation is much more complex. However, I did meet a couple in NYC that was together for like 15 years or something. So they made it through the fire. But seemingly my marriage didn't and we crashed somewhere between super stardom and waiting tables.
But what I am happy to see is that John Cho's Character is a huge breakthrough in Asian Male Sexuality on film. So kudos John you are my shining light and are the champion that Korean Males have been waiting for to help the transition of the image of Korean/Asian American Males in mainstream media. Thank you for the writer (Lindsay Allen) who chose very progressive visual. To finally see a couple on television that emulates what my marriage was is so amazing, and to see him portrayed as a male who actually has a penis which hot women might desire is doubly amazing! Eat your heart out YUL KWON! John beat us both to the punch! It's amazing to see how being a pot smoking financial analyst in HAROLD and KUMAR can take you places!
I hope that the show's popularity grows. Hopefully it will have a bit of a ripple effect where even in middle America, interracial marriages become somewhat normal as same sex marriages, but then again those ultra conservatives might define a marriage as a unity between a man and a female of the same race and proponents of proposition 8 would be once again dancing in the streets.
But for now this small victory goes to John Cho! My first Korean American on-screen hero! Way to go John! I was hating on you for stealing my Captain Sulu role in the new Star Trek but now, I'm living my life vicariously through you. Keep it up!
VSCL
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
ADOPTING CHANGE.
It's less that 1 hour from October. And my gosh it feels like one of those wonderful Autumn days where you just want to curl up next to your loved one and watch endless hours of must-see television shows. If there's one thing I can say that I really enjoyed in the past 12 months of my life it was the reintroduction of Vegivision Night. Which I typically didn't identify with but now it's a part of my culture.
What is veggivision night? Veggivision night is you a night where you and your girlfriend/boyfriend catch up on as many episodes as possible of television shows you've recorded on your DVR or that are online. In my case it was shows like The office, The Dollhouse, One Tree Hill, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Lie to me and more. It was a nice mixture of inter-office comedy mixed with micro-expression sleuthing, medical malpractice, mind-erasing and the ever popular randomness of adult guy-girl drama.
I was just joking with a friend of mine who's relationship recently ended - and we were both like, I hate to admit this but I like to watch those shows (listed above) albeit most of them would be deemed chic oriented, we both laugh cause we knew that we watched it side by side with our girlfriends which gave us the ultimate excuse as to why we both know the plot lines of such female targeted melodramas. Ah love and the things you do for it!
But heck I DO like Romantic and "Bro"mantic comedies and dramas that have been infused into our daily television/ Hollywood release schedule. I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I do like to be caught up in a film that has crazy romantic ideals that give me ideas about how I would like my relationship to be. I want to be a better man to the woman of my dreams and sometimes those darn writers just know exactly what to say and how to say it! I guess it's a curse and a blessing. Because on one hand - they can steal your thunder, by being so uber sophisticated with their language and romantic lingo you feel like a that guy who just showed up to the girl house with a single white rose and she has 5 dozen roses from him. The stem just went limp. Or worst case scenario the two of you walk out of the theater or into the kitchen for a break and she says - why can you be more like that guy? Thanks mister talented, writer guy. Anyway I'm getting off track here.
My buddy and I actually had a moment of bonding because we both agreed that we first started watching the shows because our female counterparts asked to watch it together (cause that's what loving boyfriends do, right?). We both marveled at what saps we were how being push overs was a common thread when it comes to girlfriends. But with a chuckle, we also both agreed that those days were fond memories that we will miss this year.
But in some cases change is good. I'm adapting and adopting new behaviors and habits like running, going to the gym more often, eating better, staying more organized, and getting back to just staying in and organizing my life while I can. Best of all I've been getting more calls from Ford Models for work opportunities. So I'm shooting to get my model physique by Christmas (so I can't do too many vegivision nights). I just moved from my apartment where I was last year. The one I was in last year was super temporary! But this apartment I'm so excited about cause my children get their own rooms and bathroom - decked out in Sponge bob licensed decor.
Tomorrow My Verizon FIOS is installed! I'm purchasing a nice sectional sofa and matching television stand so that I can open my house to old friends, out of town visitors and future friends and just basic viewers of televised entertainment! And for the first time I've splurged and purchased the RED ZONE NCAA AND NFL football package. Which I experienced for the first time in California while visiting my friend in Tahoe 3 weeks ago. It was awesome. I realized how far I've gotten away from my identity where I used to actually be a sports fan, touting sports memorabilia, and cheering and getting excited about games, upsets and the thrill of a Cinderella story.
Actually it started a long time ago when I moved from Chicago to New York. I didn't make the transition where I identified as a New Yorker so I was still a die hard Chicago Bears, Blackhawks, Bulls, CUBS and SOX fan. (yes internal north side south side fighting). Now that I'm on the east coast I was having yet another split identity, do I identify with the Yanks, Mets, Giants or Jets?
And this is where I get all jealous of people who have THEIR HOME TEAM! I miss Chicago for many reasons- especially family but also sports!
But anyway it's getting close to October than I thought.
On my DVR, I'll still be recording and viewing the episodic dramas and comedies I've grown to love. I actually can't wait to see what happens on the Office and Lie to me!
If any of my long lost buddies wanna come and join me for a weekend marathon of episodes missed! Don't be a stranger come on and have a Veggivision weekend with me!!!
ttyl!
VSTC
What is veggivision night? Veggivision night is you a night where you and your girlfriend/boyfriend catch up on as many episodes as possible of television shows you've recorded on your DVR or that are online. In my case it was shows like The office, The Dollhouse, One Tree Hill, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Lie to me and more. It was a nice mixture of inter-office comedy mixed with micro-expression sleuthing, medical malpractice, mind-erasing and the ever popular randomness of adult guy-girl drama.
I was just joking with a friend of mine who's relationship recently ended - and we were both like, I hate to admit this but I like to watch those shows (listed above) albeit most of them would be deemed chic oriented, we both laugh cause we knew that we watched it side by side with our girlfriends which gave us the ultimate excuse as to why we both know the plot lines of such female targeted melodramas. Ah love and the things you do for it!
But heck I DO like Romantic and "Bro"mantic comedies and dramas that have been infused into our daily television/ Hollywood release schedule. I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I do like to be caught up in a film that has crazy romantic ideals that give me ideas about how I would like my relationship to be. I want to be a better man to the woman of my dreams and sometimes those darn writers just know exactly what to say and how to say it! I guess it's a curse and a blessing. Because on one hand - they can steal your thunder, by being so uber sophisticated with their language and romantic lingo you feel like a that guy who just showed up to the girl house with a single white rose and she has 5 dozen roses from him. The stem just went limp. Or worst case scenario the two of you walk out of the theater or into the kitchen for a break and she says - why can you be more like that guy? Thanks mister talented, writer guy. Anyway I'm getting off track here.
My buddy and I actually had a moment of bonding because we both agreed that we first started watching the shows because our female counterparts asked to watch it together (cause that's what loving boyfriends do, right?). We both marveled at what saps we were how being push overs was a common thread when it comes to girlfriends. But with a chuckle, we also both agreed that those days were fond memories that we will miss this year.
But in some cases change is good. I'm adapting and adopting new behaviors and habits like running, going to the gym more often, eating better, staying more organized, and getting back to just staying in and organizing my life while I can. Best of all I've been getting more calls from Ford Models for work opportunities. So I'm shooting to get my model physique by Christmas (so I can't do too many vegivision nights). I just moved from my apartment where I was last year. The one I was in last year was super temporary! But this apartment I'm so excited about cause my children get their own rooms and bathroom - decked out in Sponge bob licensed decor.
Tomorrow My Verizon FIOS is installed! I'm purchasing a nice sectional sofa and matching television stand so that I can open my house to old friends, out of town visitors and future friends and just basic viewers of televised entertainment! And for the first time I've splurged and purchased the RED ZONE NCAA AND NFL football package. Which I experienced for the first time in California while visiting my friend in Tahoe 3 weeks ago. It was awesome. I realized how far I've gotten away from my identity where I used to actually be a sports fan, touting sports memorabilia, and cheering and getting excited about games, upsets and the thrill of a Cinderella story.
Actually it started a long time ago when I moved from Chicago to New York. I didn't make the transition where I identified as a New Yorker so I was still a die hard Chicago Bears, Blackhawks, Bulls, CUBS and SOX fan. (yes internal north side south side fighting). Now that I'm on the east coast I was having yet another split identity, do I identify with the Yanks, Mets, Giants or Jets?
And this is where I get all jealous of people who have THEIR HOME TEAM! I miss Chicago for many reasons- especially family but also sports!
But anyway it's getting close to October than I thought.
On my DVR, I'll still be recording and viewing the episodic dramas and comedies I've grown to love. I actually can't wait to see what happens on the Office and Lie to me!
If any of my long lost buddies wanna come and join me for a weekend marathon of episodes missed! Don't be a stranger come on and have a Veggivision weekend with me!!!
ttyl!
VSTC
Friday, September 4, 2009
Blue Man Group
Growing up I was indeed blessed with the gift of music. My mother introduced me to musical theatre when I was 8 and I started playing the drums when I entered 5th grade. I learned the drums really quickly and won first place in a state competition in Chicago when I was in 8th grade for snare then later for Jazz Kit. I continued to play the drums through high school but not for the band but for a garage band where we were heavily influenced by all punk and skate music. Later in life I was into more rap hip-hop and r&b. There was always one music video that I loved it was a motley crew video where Nikki Six had some glow in the dark Drum Sticks. I was on a mission to find me a pair but I never succeeded.
Tonight at 8pm. After a full day of attractions with the kids at Universal Theme Park in Orlando I treated the kids and my self to great seats to the Blue Man group. And let me tell you it was amazing! To see the kids energy pumping and the way they were inspired by the performance was just magical.
In 2006 I did an Intel Photo shoot print campaign with the Blue Man Group. I got the inside scoop about the troop from some of the founding members. What was interesting is that there are so many members of the Blue Man Group. And all of the members are very talented in their own right. But signing on to become one of the bald blue men is kind of like doing a work for hire as a designer, or ghost writing. You're no longer john smith - performer trying to make a name for his-herself. You're now a part of an idea. You follow a formula, you have no lines, only pantomime, you don't change the script or add your creative flair you just do the show format.
On your resume you have a new title - Blue Man of the Blue Man Group. But my question is, will having that on your resume help you land more gigs? Like If you have no identity and nobody can say to you - Hey I'm Joe-blow casting director and I saw you in that blue man group show and you really were a stand out performer. I'd like to cast you, john smith in my next major motion picture. The other question I have is at what point does a gig like that become a job?
Okay so the parallel to this blog?
Becoming a blue man performer is like adoption! No matter what you were before you became a blue man doesn't matter anymore. You're a blue man, so you eat, sleep and breath - the blue man identity! I don't know if you have to deal with BLUISM - or BLUJUDICE. But I'm sure loosing your identity is a bit daunting for a while. I mean I'm sure that most of the performers get tired of the same old BLUIST REMARKS - are you having a bad day? Breathe much? Go back to your mushroom! And the ever popular what do you get when you have 3 blue men at the bottom of the ocean - a good start! Oh those witty comical remarks about being blue.
I think the main difference between Blue man adoption and foreign adoption is, as a blue man performer you engage in the act of volunteering to loose your identity as a professional choice for 1 hour and 45 minutes every night at 8pm. In regular adoption you're brought up thinking that you're white when you're actually a different color on the outside but none of those emotions or confusing qualities were ever voluntary. They just were and there was no start and stop time.
I could go to a deeper layer of honesty about this topic but I'm on vacation. So I'll leave it for another entry just wanted to expose the conversation.
What was inspiring about tonight is that not only did my children walk out of that place cheering. More importantly I walked into the lobby - to see what momentous I could get for the kids to remember this experience by and Low-and-Behold I found my Glow Drum Sticks! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? After 25 years of searching for them. My holy grail of percussion frivolous must-haves appeared out of nowhere! So, I splurged and I bought 3 pairs one for my two little ones and myself. We ended up walking out of Universal banging on every surface we could not only to hear the sound but to watch the sticks glow over and over!
So tonight in many ways identified with the idea that as a parent you always want to give your children things you didn't have. So I'm giving them a solid relationship with their birth father, exposure to Korean culture from an early age, and well tonight was topped off with glow in the dark drum sticks for all!
God Bless!
VSTC
Tonight at 8pm. After a full day of attractions with the kids at Universal Theme Park in Orlando I treated the kids and my self to great seats to the Blue Man group. And let me tell you it was amazing! To see the kids energy pumping and the way they were inspired by the performance was just magical.
In 2006 I did an Intel Photo shoot print campaign with the Blue Man Group. I got the inside scoop about the troop from some of the founding members. What was interesting is that there are so many members of the Blue Man Group. And all of the members are very talented in their own right. But signing on to become one of the bald blue men is kind of like doing a work for hire as a designer, or ghost writing. You're no longer john smith - performer trying to make a name for his-herself. You're now a part of an idea. You follow a formula, you have no lines, only pantomime, you don't change the script or add your creative flair you just do the show format.
On your resume you have a new title - Blue Man of the Blue Man Group. But my question is, will having that on your resume help you land more gigs? Like If you have no identity and nobody can say to you - Hey I'm Joe-blow casting director and I saw you in that blue man group show and you really were a stand out performer. I'd like to cast you, john smith in my next major motion picture. The other question I have is at what point does a gig like that become a job?
Okay so the parallel to this blog?
Becoming a blue man performer is like adoption! No matter what you were before you became a blue man doesn't matter anymore. You're a blue man, so you eat, sleep and breath - the blue man identity! I don't know if you have to deal with BLUISM - or BLUJUDICE. But I'm sure loosing your identity is a bit daunting for a while. I mean I'm sure that most of the performers get tired of the same old BLUIST REMARKS - are you having a bad day? Breathe much? Go back to your mushroom! And the ever popular what do you get when you have 3 blue men at the bottom of the ocean - a good start! Oh those witty comical remarks about being blue.
I think the main difference between Blue man adoption and foreign adoption is, as a blue man performer you engage in the act of volunteering to loose your identity as a professional choice for 1 hour and 45 minutes every night at 8pm. In regular adoption you're brought up thinking that you're white when you're actually a different color on the outside but none of those emotions or confusing qualities were ever voluntary. They just were and there was no start and stop time.
I could go to a deeper layer of honesty about this topic but I'm on vacation. So I'll leave it for another entry just wanted to expose the conversation.
What was inspiring about tonight is that not only did my children walk out of that place cheering. More importantly I walked into the lobby - to see what momentous I could get for the kids to remember this experience by and Low-and-Behold I found my Glow Drum Sticks! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? After 25 years of searching for them. My holy grail of percussion frivolous must-haves appeared out of nowhere! So, I splurged and I bought 3 pairs one for my two little ones and myself. We ended up walking out of Universal banging on every surface we could not only to hear the sound but to watch the sticks glow over and over!
So tonight in many ways identified with the idea that as a parent you always want to give your children things you didn't have. So I'm giving them a solid relationship with their birth father, exposure to Korean culture from an early age, and well tonight was topped off with glow in the dark drum sticks for all!
God Bless!
VSTC
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
You are the country in ME!
Ah the CMT music awards were on tonight and I must say. I do find myself falling for that little blond Taylor Swift. She's pretty fun! She's the it girl of the moment.
I find myself more and more identifying with country singers, well because I know my heart is in Texas. But the more and more I take a look at the country scene I realize that there's a huge void! And as the opportunist that I am. I'm thinking about becoming the first Asian American Country Pop idol! Yeee Haw!
How about that! I mean Darius Rucker (the old Hootie) is the Token Black guy! So where's the token Asian guy? So that's it! I'm picking up my geeetar! Strummin up a storm and look out Tim Mgraw! Here comes something spicier, pickled, and barbecued!
Now I have to figure out what my stage name would be for the country diet? Hmmm. I mean I was born in Pusan, Korea which is from the way down South in Korea. So I guess that would make me a Southerner, or Korean Konfederate, right? Maybe I'll redesign the Korean Flag with a ying yang in the center juxtaposed on top of the x star bands of the confederacy! I mean come on, the US South was led by a general with the last name of LEE! So there's definitely some Korean blood lines somewhere in that band of shotgun-wielding cowboys!
So the official name could be Chee Kim. Hmm. Maybe that's too obvious! How about Bi Bim POP. Well that would be a new style of music! I can see it now!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the top new artist in the Bi Bim POP music category is! Chee Kim! Of course if I was in Korea everyone would be chanting , Kim Chee, Kim Chee! Since you always say the last name first! So I guess I were really bad I'd be covered in pickled cabbage - er maybe I should scratch Chee Kim.
But SERIOUSLY! There's a major opportunity! So I'm going to go for it! Look for my first double platinum album to come out in 2011. soaring to the top of the charts! I hope that I can get my friend to drop some tracks with me. The only Korean American I know who is a hard core country fan. (You know who you are - thank you for being the (country) music in me).
VSTC
I find myself more and more identifying with country singers, well because I know my heart is in Texas. But the more and more I take a look at the country scene I realize that there's a huge void! And as the opportunist that I am. I'm thinking about becoming the first Asian American Country Pop idol! Yeee Haw!
How about that! I mean Darius Rucker (the old Hootie) is the Token Black guy! So where's the token Asian guy? So that's it! I'm picking up my geeetar! Strummin up a storm and look out Tim Mgraw! Here comes something spicier, pickled, and barbecued!
Now I have to figure out what my stage name would be for the country diet? Hmmm. I mean I was born in Pusan, Korea which is from the way down South in Korea. So I guess that would make me a Southerner, or Korean Konfederate, right? Maybe I'll redesign the Korean Flag with a ying yang in the center juxtaposed on top of the x star bands of the confederacy! I mean come on, the US South was led by a general with the last name of LEE! So there's definitely some Korean blood lines somewhere in that band of shotgun-wielding cowboys!
So the official name could be Chee Kim. Hmm. Maybe that's too obvious! How about Bi Bim POP. Well that would be a new style of music! I can see it now!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the top new artist in the Bi Bim POP music category is! Chee Kim! Of course if I was in Korea everyone would be chanting , Kim Chee, Kim Chee! Since you always say the last name first! So I guess I were really bad I'd be covered in pickled cabbage - er maybe I should scratch Chee Kim.
But SERIOUSLY! There's a major opportunity! So I'm going to go for it! Look for my first double platinum album to come out in 2011. soaring to the top of the charts! I hope that I can get my friend to drop some tracks with me. The only Korean American I know who is a hard core country fan. (You know who you are - thank you for being the (country) music in me).
VSTC
Monday, August 10, 2009
Red Dawn and Roger Fan - Asian in Hollywood!
So my colleague and friend Roger Fan (actor in Better Luck Tomorrow, Annapolis, Finishing the Game) wrote this great testimonial about his experience in Hollywood about being an Asian-American Actor in Hollywood. Read it here - http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/when-red-dawn-attacks/
There have been a few pivotal moments in my own acting career where this topic has reigned supreme.
1. The first/multiple times I was asked to read a script with an Asian accent.
2. The first/multiple times my agent/casting director asked if I could do martial arts.
Now being that I'm adopted, and I grew up in an Italian family I was the last person to think that I would ever be considered for a role where I would have to do an accent, because i felt there are plenty of actors out there that have a really tough time getting rid of the very authentic Asian accent. My accent is that of a mid-western Italian-American who used to call soda - POP. Think how awkward it was when I would walk into a Korean restaurant on a hot summer day and ask for POP and the waiter would bring me out a bowl of rice, clueless!
So I couldn't even speak the language, nor was I in any way literate when it came to my Korean language skills. But for the western ears - oh boy I can get as fobby as ever!
As for martial arts, I grew up playing baseball, football, basketball, etc. I didn't find an interest in martial arts into later in life. I was too busy trying to be, Michael Jordan (Chicago Bulls), Walter Payton (Chicago Bears), and Mark Grace (Chicago Cubs). In the winter I was Dennis Savard or Bannerman (Chicago Blackhawks). when i was in junior high my mother put me in musicals. I mean don't get me wrong, sometimes I thought about this guy named Bruce Lee (I think I've been called bruce lee 50,000 times in my life). But I think Ralph Macchio had more of a marital arts effect on me. Until i went to college, because he kicks the cobra kai's ass! I hated Johnny as did everyone else!
So one day I get a call for a voice over job. And it's for this really kick ass video game called Grand Theft Auto. They want me to read for the gangsters. I'm cool with it. So I get into the sound booth and it's - okay Nick we need a really think Asian accent! I say which one? They say any! I'm like OKAY - yeah I'm such a sell out! But in actuality - It was a challenge and I really had to act because it's not who i am on the inside. I'm from the Banana Republic. Only my Banana is covered in Gnutella.
So I whip out everything I can imagine from Americana's depiction of Asian males in media and my limited life experience in all-Asian settings. Somewhere along the line I become everyone from PAT MORITA, to Charlie Chan, to Chow yun FAT.
Brilliant!!! Brilliant! Applause Applause! I get the job and I become immortalized by millions of Playstations across the globe! - with David Mamet scripting like" get out my Caaa, or I punch you face!
As you can see it's a pretty comical industry!
Of course Roger is right about the fact that his/our existence in Hollywood films and large scale projects could be based solely off of the need-state of a scene that takes place in China, Japan, Korea, and or the mini versions of these countries in the metropolitan areas of the USA we like to call (ethnic ghettos) like C-Town or K-town or J-town.
And he is right you can make a great living doing those projects. But at what expense? If it will be you that perpetuates the timeless stereotypes, negative images, and dis empowered male image then is that money worth it? If you're children cannot see anyone on the television that looks remotely like them, who will end up being their fantasy heroes? And while their hero's - be it white, black etc get the girl - who is also that same homogeneous race line, one has to ask how does that play into their self esteem and how proud will they be to be Asian in this country?
I can think of plenty of times where I looked in the mirror and wished I were anything else but who i was. I think there's been many many essays about this strife. Maybe that's why I found sanctuary in the acting. I always wanted to be the guy with the football, the gun, the syringe, the badge, the fire hose, the breif case, the space ship and the hot girl. But instead I get handed a sushi knife, a take out carton, a laundry bag, a pair of nunchucks, and a silk GI...AND.... Action!!!
Now In 1999, I, along with hundreds of indivuduals who were working actors and models, was part of a movement in NYC where Asian's in television film and radio started to make a political push. We had many many panel disucssions and gatherings in the name of improved roles, less stereotypical roles, and more roles was the hot topic. People like Christine Toy Johnson, David Henry Hwang, and BD wong were all part of this initiative. I was inspired by one of our panel discussions. And had the epiphany that spoke to me like when a born again finds GOD, you know that moment right? wink wink.
So in order for use to change the way Asian actors play on television and in film. We have to write till we are blue in the face! Write Write Write, then Produce produce produce, then market Market market. And then support support support!
The short comings that anyone who has ever made indie films know all to well is marketing budget shortcomings. I mean how cool would it have been if Better Luck tomorrow had it's own line of collectible Roger Fan, Sung Kang slurpee cups at 7 eleven with a buy one ticket get one free offer. Or if they gave away little toy rogers at McDonalds with his green and white letter mans jacket on! buy one happy meal today and you'll have better luck tomorrow!(tickets that is) Or what about a billboard or two in Times square? all in all the average marketing budget for a studio release is like 40 million in ad buys!
That's how you drive people to the Theatre! And ladies and gentlemen, In the Asian Film community there is no shortage of commitment, talent, blood sweat and tears, what it comes down to is financing of production and pre-release marketing.
In closing, It will take lots of money, and creativity to make a dent in the machine we call Hollywood, which pumps out formulaic films that feed into the status quo of societal norms. But We and to some extent have made a difference by focusing investment on key film makers and films that are of huge commercial value which showcase three dimentional characters. Hopefully over time all of the stars will align, Americans best writing talent, production talent, acting talent, post production talent, musical score talent and marketing talent will come together to make films that allow for a more permanent change in the perception and opportunities of Asian Americans or Asians in American Mainstream media.
Thanks Roger for re-opening this conversation!
Venti Soy Chai
Identitea.blogspot.com
There have been a few pivotal moments in my own acting career where this topic has reigned supreme.
1. The first/multiple times I was asked to read a script with an Asian accent.
2. The first/multiple times my agent/casting director asked if I could do martial arts.
Now being that I'm adopted, and I grew up in an Italian family I was the last person to think that I would ever be considered for a role where I would have to do an accent, because i felt there are plenty of actors out there that have a really tough time getting rid of the very authentic Asian accent. My accent is that of a mid-western Italian-American who used to call soda - POP. Think how awkward it was when I would walk into a Korean restaurant on a hot summer day and ask for POP and the waiter would bring me out a bowl of rice, clueless!
So I couldn't even speak the language, nor was I in any way literate when it came to my Korean language skills. But for the western ears - oh boy I can get as fobby as ever!
As for martial arts, I grew up playing baseball, football, basketball, etc. I didn't find an interest in martial arts into later in life. I was too busy trying to be, Michael Jordan (Chicago Bulls), Walter Payton (Chicago Bears), and Mark Grace (Chicago Cubs). In the winter I was Dennis Savard or Bannerman (Chicago Blackhawks). when i was in junior high my mother put me in musicals. I mean don't get me wrong, sometimes I thought about this guy named Bruce Lee (I think I've been called bruce lee 50,000 times in my life). But I think Ralph Macchio had more of a marital arts effect on me. Until i went to college, because he kicks the cobra kai's ass! I hated Johnny as did everyone else!
So one day I get a call for a voice over job. And it's for this really kick ass video game called Grand Theft Auto. They want me to read for the gangsters. I'm cool with it. So I get into the sound booth and it's - okay Nick we need a really think Asian accent! I say which one? They say any! I'm like OKAY - yeah I'm such a sell out! But in actuality - It was a challenge and I really had to act because it's not who i am on the inside. I'm from the Banana Republic. Only my Banana is covered in Gnutella.
So I whip out everything I can imagine from Americana's depiction of Asian males in media and my limited life experience in all-Asian settings. Somewhere along the line I become everyone from PAT MORITA, to Charlie Chan, to Chow yun FAT.
Brilliant!!! Brilliant! Applause Applause! I get the job and I become immortalized by millions of Playstations across the globe! - with David Mamet scripting like" get out my Caaa, or I punch you face!
As you can see it's a pretty comical industry!
Of course Roger is right about the fact that his/our existence in Hollywood films and large scale projects could be based solely off of the need-state of a scene that takes place in China, Japan, Korea, and or the mini versions of these countries in the metropolitan areas of the USA we like to call (ethnic ghettos) like C-Town or K-town or J-town.
And he is right you can make a great living doing those projects. But at what expense? If it will be you that perpetuates the timeless stereotypes, negative images, and dis empowered male image then is that money worth it? If you're children cannot see anyone on the television that looks remotely like them, who will end up being their fantasy heroes? And while their hero's - be it white, black etc get the girl - who is also that same homogeneous race line, one has to ask how does that play into their self esteem and how proud will they be to be Asian in this country?
I can think of plenty of times where I looked in the mirror and wished I were anything else but who i was. I think there's been many many essays about this strife. Maybe that's why I found sanctuary in the acting. I always wanted to be the guy with the football, the gun, the syringe, the badge, the fire hose, the breif case, the space ship and the hot girl. But instead I get handed a sushi knife, a take out carton, a laundry bag, a pair of nunchucks, and a silk GI...AND.... Action!!!
Now In 1999, I, along with hundreds of indivuduals who were working actors and models, was part of a movement in NYC where Asian's in television film and radio started to make a political push. We had many many panel disucssions and gatherings in the name of improved roles, less stereotypical roles, and more roles was the hot topic. People like Christine Toy Johnson, David Henry Hwang, and BD wong were all part of this initiative. I was inspired by one of our panel discussions. And had the epiphany that spoke to me like when a born again finds GOD, you know that moment right? wink wink.
So in order for use to change the way Asian actors play on television and in film. We have to write till we are blue in the face! Write Write Write, then Produce produce produce, then market Market market. And then support support support!
The short comings that anyone who has ever made indie films know all to well is marketing budget shortcomings. I mean how cool would it have been if Better Luck tomorrow had it's own line of collectible Roger Fan, Sung Kang slurpee cups at 7 eleven with a buy one ticket get one free offer. Or if they gave away little toy rogers at McDonalds with his green and white letter mans jacket on! buy one happy meal today and you'll have better luck tomorrow!(tickets that is) Or what about a billboard or two in Times square? all in all the average marketing budget for a studio release is like 40 million in ad buys!
That's how you drive people to the Theatre! And ladies and gentlemen, In the Asian Film community there is no shortage of commitment, talent, blood sweat and tears, what it comes down to is financing of production and pre-release marketing.
In closing, It will take lots of money, and creativity to make a dent in the machine we call Hollywood, which pumps out formulaic films that feed into the status quo of societal norms. But We and to some extent have made a difference by focusing investment on key film makers and films that are of huge commercial value which showcase three dimentional characters. Hopefully over time all of the stars will align, Americans best writing talent, production talent, acting talent, post production talent, musical score talent and marketing talent will come together to make films that allow for a more permanent change in the perception and opportunities of Asian Americans or Asians in American Mainstream media.
Thanks Roger for re-opening this conversation!
Venti Soy Chai
Identitea.blogspot.com
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A Monarch butterfly meets a catepillar and they fall in love.
A year ago a Monarch butterfly met a catepillar. She was a beautiful, vibrant and young specimen, so full of possibilities, The fell in love. They did everything together ad were so happy together. But, during the year the butterfly watched the catepiller become sad and felt helpless and he watched her hang on to a feeding leaf by a thin line as the world seemingly was crashing around her. She remained on the leaf but was bruised and battered by the heavy downpour of life. She climbed back up on the leaf and remained in he center, uncertain which part of the leaf would be the best part for her, she was unsure which part would be the tastiest, most satisfying and most nourishing. She looked all around for answers, for guidance, she felt so alone. The butterfly kept his wings spread over her so that the rain would not penetrate her spirit while he was around. But at the end it was not the leaf and it's nourishment the catepillar was in search of. She needed to be free and grow. There was nothing for her on the leaf she was on. And even if there was something for her on that leaf, she was only a catepillar and really couldn't see it at that point.
So she decided, instead of tasting more of the leaf which she is on. She wanted to try a new leaf, for this new leaf will bring her the nourishment she needs to build her cocoon and turn into the butterfly she was born to be. Will the other butterfly still be on that old leaf? Or will that butterfly have moved onto an new leaf as well. Will the new beautiful butterfly search for the butterfly who provided her with love and support? Or will they loose each other in the abyss of the endless forest of roses and thorns and predators that break butterfly hearts.
There's the old saying, if you love something let it go. If it comes back its' yours forever. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with. Is that true? Has that ever happened?
How many years will the Monarch wait? Will the caterpillar seek to reunite? In this romance I do hope that they both remain spiritually bonded. For once it's all said and done, Old butterflies realize that life's a climb and there's alway's going to be another mountain, to move, always going to be another battle, sometimes you're going to have to loose, aint about how fast you get there, aint about what's waiting on the other side, Now matter how you slice it, It's a climb. (inspired by miley sirus)
God Bless, the beautiful caterpillar who this monarch was antenna-over-wings or (head over heals)in love with. May the wind beneath your new found wings find you on a road that crosses the air space of your loving monarch.
Sweet metamorphasis.
So she decided, instead of tasting more of the leaf which she is on. She wanted to try a new leaf, for this new leaf will bring her the nourishment she needs to build her cocoon and turn into the butterfly she was born to be. Will the other butterfly still be on that old leaf? Or will that butterfly have moved onto an new leaf as well. Will the new beautiful butterfly search for the butterfly who provided her with love and support? Or will they loose each other in the abyss of the endless forest of roses and thorns and predators that break butterfly hearts.
There's the old saying, if you love something let it go. If it comes back its' yours forever. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with. Is that true? Has that ever happened?
How many years will the Monarch wait? Will the caterpillar seek to reunite? In this romance I do hope that they both remain spiritually bonded. For once it's all said and done, Old butterflies realize that life's a climb and there's alway's going to be another mountain, to move, always going to be another battle, sometimes you're going to have to loose, aint about how fast you get there, aint about what's waiting on the other side, Now matter how you slice it, It's a climb. (inspired by miley sirus)
God Bless, the beautiful caterpillar who this monarch was antenna-over-wings or (head over heals)in love with. May the wind beneath your new found wings find you on a road that crosses the air space of your loving monarch.
Sweet metamorphasis.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
North Korea Missles and World war II identity Issues
I can recall when I was around 7 years old I was standing in the line of some random store in Villa Park Illinois, perusing the candy when I noticed an older man look at me with eyes of hatred. I stare back at him and out of the grit of his teeth came the words,"you little commie bastard". At the time I was only 7 so I didn't know what a commie was nor did I know what a bastard was, so I was like sure nice to meet you too, with my Koolaid smile. In high school I junior high I learned about the treacherous acts of Nazi Germany's Holocaust. And how one specific group of people were targeted and blamed for all of the problems of Germany. Subsequently, Jews were forced to wear arm bands with the Star of David to signify their religious position.
After Pearl Harbor in 1941, all Japanese in the United States were declared enemies of the state and were rounded up and put into concentration camps or (internment camps) which was the first US case of national racial profiling. Yes, Asians were racially profiled and thrown into camps in the early part of the last century.
Fast forward to 2009, the new millennium, post Y2K and 9/11.
We are at a very interesting and potentially dangerous tipping point in the world. North Korea, one of the deemed Axis of Evil partners, has lit up it's nuclear reactors like a heroine addict coming out of rehab (insert Amy Winehouse theme here). All pistons are go. And when it comes to the world's view and disapproval they are acting like a child who doesn't want to go to school.
So why is this showing up on a blog about Identity? Have I become a CNN partner or competitor? No! Do I want to be the next Bloomberg? No!
I'm concerned that if North Korea continues it's crazy ways we will be thrown into another period of racial profiling against Asians, and more importantly to my own selfish desire to stay sane, Korean Americans who are descendants of South Korea.
We of the Asian Diaspora have all experienced, one time or another, being misunderstood and prejudged. In fact, so has most of the oxygen breathing civilians of this country we call America. But if North Korean tensions continue to rise. South Korean Americans will run into some pretty strange situations here are some of them.
1. Every time you meet someone new and they ask where you are from the first thing anyone will ask is "are you North or South Korean" If you say South, they will say Oh thank GOD!
2. The racial slur commie bastard will make it's comeback!
3. The joke about Korean's eating dog's will be usurped by the new joke, "what are you going to do Nuke me?
4. When people mistake us for Chinese we'll say thanks! Cause at least they didn't mistake us for being North Korean!
I joke now, but in all seriousness I do fear the day that If the crap hits the fan and there's actually a detonation of a weapon against humanity from North Korea. All of our hard work trying to create a positive image of Korean Males in television and film will have been in vein. I'm an optimist but I also have seen the worst in humanity. With that said, it's my sole opinion, that if there was an attack of some sort, America will be thrown back into the draconian days of internment camps, and Asian American's will become the enemy of the state (because people can't tell us apart) the scary thing is that the government, being the progressive beast that it is, will not institue camps. Because of the very civil rights principles that we have grown to know and love.
But again it's my opinion only, that the camps would have to be set up for the saftey of the people, and to thwart violence and hate crimes similar to the LA riots.
Sorry to be so negative and so hard on the human spirit. But events like this scare me and create an overwhelming feeling of insecurity in the progress we have made concerning race - especially in places far away from New York City.
Signing off!
Venti Soy Chai Latte
After Pearl Harbor in 1941, all Japanese in the United States were declared enemies of the state and were rounded up and put into concentration camps or (internment camps) which was the first US case of national racial profiling. Yes, Asians were racially profiled and thrown into camps in the early part of the last century.
Fast forward to 2009, the new millennium, post Y2K and 9/11.
We are at a very interesting and potentially dangerous tipping point in the world. North Korea, one of the deemed Axis of Evil partners, has lit up it's nuclear reactors like a heroine addict coming out of rehab (insert Amy Winehouse theme here). All pistons are go. And when it comes to the world's view and disapproval they are acting like a child who doesn't want to go to school.
So why is this showing up on a blog about Identity? Have I become a CNN partner or competitor? No! Do I want to be the next Bloomberg? No!
I'm concerned that if North Korea continues it's crazy ways we will be thrown into another period of racial profiling against Asians, and more importantly to my own selfish desire to stay sane, Korean Americans who are descendants of South Korea.
We of the Asian Diaspora have all experienced, one time or another, being misunderstood and prejudged. In fact, so has most of the oxygen breathing civilians of this country we call America. But if North Korean tensions continue to rise. South Korean Americans will run into some pretty strange situations here are some of them.
1. Every time you meet someone new and they ask where you are from the first thing anyone will ask is "are you North or South Korean" If you say South, they will say Oh thank GOD!
2. The racial slur commie bastard will make it's comeback!
3. The joke about Korean's eating dog's will be usurped by the new joke, "what are you going to do Nuke me?
4. When people mistake us for Chinese we'll say thanks! Cause at least they didn't mistake us for being North Korean!
I joke now, but in all seriousness I do fear the day that If the crap hits the fan and there's actually a detonation of a weapon against humanity from North Korea. All of our hard work trying to create a positive image of Korean Males in television and film will have been in vein. I'm an optimist but I also have seen the worst in humanity. With that said, it's my sole opinion, that if there was an attack of some sort, America will be thrown back into the draconian days of internment camps, and Asian American's will become the enemy of the state (because people can't tell us apart) the scary thing is that the government, being the progressive beast that it is, will not institue camps. Because of the very civil rights principles that we have grown to know and love.
But again it's my opinion only, that the camps would have to be set up for the saftey of the people, and to thwart violence and hate crimes similar to the LA riots.
Sorry to be so negative and so hard on the human spirit. But events like this scare me and create an overwhelming feeling of insecurity in the progress we have made concerning race - especially in places far away from New York City.
Signing off!
Venti Soy Chai Latte
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Bizzy Dad
5 days ago I had another monumental event take place in my life. I was awarded full custody of my children after a year long vicious custody battle littered with vindictive, irrational, and at times outright blatant immature behavior. If you have never heard of the psychological condition called narcissistic injury, get acquainted with it. It explains a great deal about human behavior post divorce or custody judgements. Narcissistic Injury turns into Narcissistic Rage.
Definitions:
How does this play into identity?
I have transitioned in and out of about 5 different identities in the past 3 years. 1. I was married and walked the walk of the married man. I was a full time dad, I took on the role of a private catholic high school teacher, I became a Korean American Leader in the USA as a memeber of NETKAL (netkal.org) and became a Korean American Leader on a global scale as a member of Overseas Korean Foundation's 11 leadershp Class (http://www.okf.or.kr/eng/index.html) I was a home owner, now I rent, I was president and Ceo of my company, now I'm a partner and creative director. I was a victim of police brutality, now I'm a recipient of a settlement from the city of New York City. On may 20th 2009, I became a single parent of full legal and physical custody of my two children which is going to take some time to get used to again. I'll miss many networing events and great opportunities to make new contacts but I'll have control over what my kids start to get excited about through educational enrichment and development of skills and talents which remain untapped.
I remember at one time I refered to myself as the Korean, Italian, African American Jew. reason being was I was born in Korea, Raised by italians, Married an African American woman and performed at 5 jewish bar mitzvahs a weekend in the north shore area of Chicago.
I know one thing is true about me, trying to focus on just being one of those many things/identities/personalities, that I was in this turbulant time in my life was and is very difficult. But I do feel that in my mid 30's I've achieved a certail level of understanding about those faces that I put on in different circles. But more than ever I'm just trying to be me.
Tonight, my daughter and my son were coming to grips with the fact that they will not see mommy very much. My son is very upset about it. In order to ensure that my son's transition out of the staus quo of 50/50 split custody is smooth I'm instituting an open door policy for my children. The policy is - if in the AM i.e. (before we go to school) ether or both of the kids want to see Mommy that day I'll arrange for mommy to pick them up after school and they can stay with her until 7:30 pm. Logicalical and reasonable. (this is where faith comes in) because the children's mommy would never consider such a thing.
As I think about it even deeper i am reminded that my two beautiful children are my only known blood relatives that I have a relationshop with and I almost lost them into an abyss of baggage-infused teachings of alienation and resentment for their father, creatiing a gap and a rift inan otherwise functional father son.daughter relationship.
So right now the identity hat that I'm wearing is that of the single dad of 2 again with legal and physical custodial responsibilities.
Wish me luck, I'll keep you posted as life happends.
Also, I'll be shooting a series of video blogs called the Bizzy Dad! Subscribe to my you tube page and you'll get first look at what the Bizzy Dad is up to.
The Bizzy Dad!
AKA Venti soy tazo chai
Definitions:
Narcissistic injury: a threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or worth.
Narcissistic rage: a reaction to narcissistic injury (when the narcissist feels degraded by another person). When the narcissist's grandiose sense of self worth is perceivably being attacked by another person, the narcissist's natural reaction is to rage and pull-down the self worth of others (to make the narcissist feel superior to others). It is an attempt by the narcissist to soothe their internal pain and hostility, while at the same time rebuilding their self worth. Narcissistic rage should not be confused with anger (although the two are similar), and is not necessarily caused by a situation that would typically provoke anger in an individual.[2] Narcissistic rage also occurs when the narcissist is perceivably being prevented from accomplishing their grandiose fantasies.[3]
How does this play into identity?
I have transitioned in and out of about 5 different identities in the past 3 years. 1. I was married and walked the walk of the married man. I was a full time dad, I took on the role of a private catholic high school teacher, I became a Korean American Leader in the USA as a memeber of NETKAL (netkal.org) and became a Korean American Leader on a global scale as a member of Overseas Korean Foundation's 11 leadershp Class (http://www.okf.or.kr/eng/index.html) I was a home owner, now I rent, I was president and Ceo of my company, now I'm a partner and creative director. I was a victim of police brutality, now I'm a recipient of a settlement from the city of New York City. On may 20th 2009, I became a single parent of full legal and physical custody of my two children which is going to take some time to get used to again. I'll miss many networing events and great opportunities to make new contacts but I'll have control over what my kids start to get excited about through educational enrichment and development of skills and talents which remain untapped.
I remember at one time I refered to myself as the Korean, Italian, African American Jew. reason being was I was born in Korea, Raised by italians, Married an African American woman and performed at 5 jewish bar mitzvahs a weekend in the north shore area of Chicago.
I know one thing is true about me, trying to focus on just being one of those many things/identities/personalities, that I was in this turbulant time in my life was and is very difficult. But I do feel that in my mid 30's I've achieved a certail level of understanding about those faces that I put on in different circles. But more than ever I'm just trying to be me.
Tonight, my daughter and my son were coming to grips with the fact that they will not see mommy very much. My son is very upset about it. In order to ensure that my son's transition out of the staus quo of 50/50 split custody is smooth I'm instituting an open door policy for my children. The policy is - if in the AM i.e. (before we go to school) ether or both of the kids want to see Mommy that day I'll arrange for mommy to pick them up after school and they can stay with her until 7:30 pm. Logicalical and reasonable. (this is where faith comes in) because the children's mommy would never consider such a thing.
As I think about it even deeper i am reminded that my two beautiful children are my only known blood relatives that I have a relationshop with and I almost lost them into an abyss of baggage-infused teachings of alienation and resentment for their father, creatiing a gap and a rift inan otherwise functional father son.daughter relationship.
So right now the identity hat that I'm wearing is that of the single dad of 2 again with legal and physical custodial responsibilities.
Wish me luck, I'll keep you posted as life happends.
Also, I'll be shooting a series of video blogs called the Bizzy Dad! Subscribe to my you tube page and you'll get first look at what the Bizzy Dad is up to.
The Bizzy Dad!
AKA Venti soy tazo chai
Friday, February 6, 2009
The President and his Identitea
Barack Obama is the 44Th President of the United States.
What I find truly amazing is how the public has found their new messiah, which leads to the next big biblical question, was Jesus black, and is Barack Obama the Lord cometh? I mean if you think about the region of the world that Jesus was from and the climate etc. It does makes sense that he would have at least looked a little like a middle eastern man. If Hindu's believe in reincarnation, and the Catholics believe in Jesus rising from the dead. Then could it be that both happened, and somehow it happened August 4Th 1961 in Hawaii?
The correlation that I find amazing between Barack Obama and Jesus is how Jesus was criticized for walking with those who have sinned the most, the prostitutes, the criminals, the sick, the wicked, the common folks, he was the man who gave the common people hope etc. Jesus gave them HOPE for miracles of healing, prosperity, that they would be forgiven their sins and gain eternal life through him. Hope is the Obama campaign slogan.
The pitfalls of today's society have been caused by the fact that we have kicked the basic rules of life out of our lives. In corporate America the 7 deadly sins are running amok, greed has taken over our banking system, sloth our welfare system, narcissism - our television and media outlets, envy - our suburban neighborhoods, gluttony - our energy consumption, wrath - our military, pride - our government.
On inauguration day, I saw grown men and women of all walks of life crying, sobbing not only about the fact that people of color have overcome a historically oppressive society in America, but also because, what Barack Obama symbolizes is much greater than the office of the president of the most powerful nation on the planet.
He is Hope, his heritage and perspective on race transcends all of the labels that the media tries to place on him. He's sat at dinner tables and in family rooms where racial overtones are less than cordial. He's seen what most mixed people have seen, bitterness in homogeneous communities that have been stricken by socioeconomic inequalities, and systematic oppression. In most circles he's not white enough, and in others he's not black enough. He's walked a difficult path of the mixed race psychosis.
He's forced to look at the fighting parties as the mediator, for his battles are outside of the man of pure racial gene pools. His sympathetic demeanor is that which a true leader of compassion would make decisions based on whats good for all men and women. Not just "his" people.
His Power lives in his mixed heritage, for no other leader could cross platform like he can. And I honor him for his achievements.
I also honor him for what he has achieved for my son. My son of mixed blood. He's the hero I can point my son to when he's seeking someone to emulate as he begins his own identity search. My son will never look like me, and my daughter will never look like her mother. But what they embody is the best of 3 worlds, three cultures that they can draw strength from, knowledge from, and can help them formulate their very unique Identities.
If I could teach my children one thing about identity, it would be... Do not try to find your identity, but create one that others will want to embody, for a mixed child is a Genesis for the new world order.
Love Dad.
This is Venti-Soy Tazo-Chai
Signing off
What I find truly amazing is how the public has found their new messiah, which leads to the next big biblical question, was Jesus black, and is Barack Obama the Lord cometh? I mean if you think about the region of the world that Jesus was from and the climate etc. It does makes sense that he would have at least looked a little like a middle eastern man. If Hindu's believe in reincarnation, and the Catholics believe in Jesus rising from the dead. Then could it be that both happened, and somehow it happened August 4Th 1961 in Hawaii?
The correlation that I find amazing between Barack Obama and Jesus is how Jesus was criticized for walking with those who have sinned the most, the prostitutes, the criminals, the sick, the wicked, the common folks, he was the man who gave the common people hope etc. Jesus gave them HOPE for miracles of healing, prosperity, that they would be forgiven their sins and gain eternal life through him. Hope is the Obama campaign slogan.
The pitfalls of today's society have been caused by the fact that we have kicked the basic rules of life out of our lives. In corporate America the 7 deadly sins are running amok, greed has taken over our banking system, sloth our welfare system, narcissism - our television and media outlets, envy - our suburban neighborhoods, gluttony - our energy consumption, wrath - our military, pride - our government.
On inauguration day, I saw grown men and women of all walks of life crying, sobbing not only about the fact that people of color have overcome a historically oppressive society in America, but also because, what Barack Obama symbolizes is much greater than the office of the president of the most powerful nation on the planet.
He is Hope, his heritage and perspective on race transcends all of the labels that the media tries to place on him. He's sat at dinner tables and in family rooms where racial overtones are less than cordial. He's seen what most mixed people have seen, bitterness in homogeneous communities that have been stricken by socioeconomic inequalities, and systematic oppression. In most circles he's not white enough, and in others he's not black enough. He's walked a difficult path of the mixed race psychosis.
He's forced to look at the fighting parties as the mediator, for his battles are outside of the man of pure racial gene pools. His sympathetic demeanor is that which a true leader of compassion would make decisions based on whats good for all men and women. Not just "his" people.
His Power lives in his mixed heritage, for no other leader could cross platform like he can. And I honor him for his achievements.
I also honor him for what he has achieved for my son. My son of mixed blood. He's the hero I can point my son to when he's seeking someone to emulate as he begins his own identity search. My son will never look like me, and my daughter will never look like her mother. But what they embody is the best of 3 worlds, three cultures that they can draw strength from, knowledge from, and can help them formulate their very unique Identities.
If I could teach my children one thing about identity, it would be... Do not try to find your identity, but create one that others will want to embody, for a mixed child is a Genesis for the new world order.
Love Dad.
This is Venti-Soy Tazo-Chai
Signing off
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Mixed and Adopted Personalities
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
-Elmer G Letterman.
I wanted to start out this entry with this quote because I think this is one common strand that many Adopted/Mixed people have in common, strong personalities. Or at least strong enough to make a good impression.
In the business world and in the social world, people who have an outer shell that is different than the status quo of their surroundings often have strong and outgoing personalities. We can enter any room and just, fit in. No matter what we can find that common ground, that soft footed plane where we can get along and go with the flow.
Some say that it's a gift, some say it's a curse I'd have to agree with both.
In many cases as an adoptee I have found myself to be most successful in the most uncomfortable of surroundings. Have you ever been that one sheep in a pack of wolves? This is what it is like. We walk into a room where nobody looks like us, and although we know everyone is staring; instead of running out, we find ourselves charming the fur off the wolves.
I believe that this started in elementary school when kids started to make fun of us on the playground. Pointing out our differences, laughing, or trying to bully us with verbally abusive language and racial slurs. At first our initial inclination is to put up our dukes and fight. But then we realize that we are greatly outnumbered and would be mopped up by the rest of the kids of the fight was a racial fight. So we swallowed our pain and our hurt and went about our day. Now the easy thing to do would be to just walk the other way. But I believe that it is that same moment where we begin to make the choice to have a breakthrough , and we decide going to show these ignorant kids that we're more then just the color of our skin, the slant of our eyes and the nappiness of our hair. We're going to prove to them that we are worthy of their friendship.
So we do. We prove our loyalty, love and give our friendship to these little shits who's parents have taught them to hate, ridicule, and form racist views about us and our people. We do this in order to find protection, forge alliances, and to just be loved and accepted.
And it works, we do end up finding and making many friends and, depending on how good we are at our new found skill, we may end up making everyone our friend so we have no enemies and we become the most likable person in the school. We have succeeded! We are now accepted as more then just our skin, hair and eyes!
So this is elementary school.
Then comes junior high - we are pretty much hanging out with the same kids from elementary and they are our friends, they see us as people, FINALLY. But then there's a couple of idiots from across the town who we never met. They make some stupid ignorant statements about us, and we fear that the process will begin anew, but we have friends now and they take care of them after school with us (3:00 pm on the playground). Of course it's natural for some of our friends in elementary to find other kids to go hang out with, and we may find at the end of the year, they are making fun of us and talking about us behind our backs. It happens, what can you do?
I feel that these are normal parts of the adolescent growth process. And for the most part when we grow in families that are homogeneous and all members of the family look alike, its much more comforting to come home and find sanctuary amongst all of your family members that share that same difference.
For adoptees who have parents who look visibly different this is a much more difficult transition to negotiate. Once the racial slurs, the nasty remarks, the N words, the Ching-Chong Charlie Chan moments of ignorance become more often and hurtful, we go home to try to talk about things to our parents and they simply cannot relate.
Most of the time our parents say things like, oh that doesn't sound like something someone would say, or just ignore them, or in my case (since I was adopted by italians) my mother would say then the to screw off because they're wrong...I'm Italian! Yes, that was my pitiful defense against racism.
This created my/our first feeling of isolation. And it's at this point where we have to make another decision. Do we engage in self destructive behavior, or do we once again prove to the ignorant crowd that we are more then what they say? In most cases I have found we once again took this opportunity to refine our skill and deepen our social acumen by letting our amazing personalities shine through.
Until next time...
This is
Venti - Soy Tazo Chai...Signing off.
The next entry will cover some experiences about adolescent adopted love.
• What is wrong with me?
• I don't get any attention.
• The decline of self worth and self image.
• Our first boyfriend/girlfriend's flavor. - White, Black, Asian, Hispanic?
-Elmer G Letterman.
I wanted to start out this entry with this quote because I think this is one common strand that many Adopted/Mixed people have in common, strong personalities. Or at least strong enough to make a good impression.
In the business world and in the social world, people who have an outer shell that is different than the status quo of their surroundings often have strong and outgoing personalities. We can enter any room and just, fit in. No matter what we can find that common ground, that soft footed plane where we can get along and go with the flow.
Some say that it's a gift, some say it's a curse I'd have to agree with both.
In many cases as an adoptee I have found myself to be most successful in the most uncomfortable of surroundings. Have you ever been that one sheep in a pack of wolves? This is what it is like. We walk into a room where nobody looks like us, and although we know everyone is staring; instead of running out, we find ourselves charming the fur off the wolves.
I believe that this started in elementary school when kids started to make fun of us on the playground. Pointing out our differences, laughing, or trying to bully us with verbally abusive language and racial slurs. At first our initial inclination is to put up our dukes and fight. But then we realize that we are greatly outnumbered and would be mopped up by the rest of the kids of the fight was a racial fight. So we swallowed our pain and our hurt and went about our day. Now the easy thing to do would be to just walk the other way. But I believe that it is that same moment where we begin to make the choice to have a breakthrough , and we decide going to show these ignorant kids that we're more then just the color of our skin, the slant of our eyes and the nappiness of our hair. We're going to prove to them that we are worthy of their friendship.
So we do. We prove our loyalty, love and give our friendship to these little shits who's parents have taught them to hate, ridicule, and form racist views about us and our people. We do this in order to find protection, forge alliances, and to just be loved and accepted.
And it works, we do end up finding and making many friends and, depending on how good we are at our new found skill, we may end up making everyone our friend so we have no enemies and we become the most likable person in the school. We have succeeded! We are now accepted as more then just our skin, hair and eyes!
So this is elementary school.
Then comes junior high - we are pretty much hanging out with the same kids from elementary and they are our friends, they see us as people, FINALLY. But then there's a couple of idiots from across the town who we never met. They make some stupid ignorant statements about us, and we fear that the process will begin anew, but we have friends now and they take care of them after school with us (3:00 pm on the playground). Of course it's natural for some of our friends in elementary to find other kids to go hang out with, and we may find at the end of the year, they are making fun of us and talking about us behind our backs. It happens, what can you do?
I feel that these are normal parts of the adolescent growth process. And for the most part when we grow in families that are homogeneous and all members of the family look alike, its much more comforting to come home and find sanctuary amongst all of your family members that share that same difference.
For adoptees who have parents who look visibly different this is a much more difficult transition to negotiate. Once the racial slurs, the nasty remarks, the N words, the Ching-Chong Charlie Chan moments of ignorance become more often and hurtful, we go home to try to talk about things to our parents and they simply cannot relate.
Most of the time our parents say things like, oh that doesn't sound like something someone would say, or just ignore them, or in my case (since I was adopted by italians) my mother would say then the to screw off because they're wrong...I'm Italian! Yes, that was my pitiful defense against racism.
This created my/our first feeling of isolation. And it's at this point where we have to make another decision. Do we engage in self destructive behavior, or do we once again prove to the ignorant crowd that we are more then what they say? In most cases I have found we once again took this opportunity to refine our skill and deepen our social acumen by letting our amazing personalities shine through.
Until next time...
This is
Venti - Soy Tazo Chai...Signing off.
The next entry will cover some experiences about adolescent adopted love.
• What is wrong with me?
• I don't get any attention.
• The decline of self worth and self image.
• Our first boyfriend/girlfriend's flavor. - White, Black, Asian, Hispanic?
Friday, January 16, 2009
IDENTITEA - FIRST CUP
You're adopted or a person of mixed race and you are suddenly faced with the question. Well, what am I? So many people have asked this rather trivial question to you over the years, and for the most part you just answered something silly and never considered that one day you'd be looking in the mirror asking yourself the same question.
This blog, IDENTITEA is about finding the answers to those undying questions we have about who we are. Are you your black half, white half, Asian half? Are you a believer in nature over nurture or vice-versa? Are you gay, straight, bi? These are tough questions to ask. It's even tougher to find people who share in your experience who might be able to help you find the answers.
If you have questions or comments please send them to : nick.bosco@verizon.net
Either I can answer them in this blog or one of our other bloggers can. We hav a network of IDENTITEA writers who can get other posts from other adoptee's, adoptive parents, mixed race children, mixed race couples and more.
The goal of this blog is to become a resource for all of us stuck in the Starbucks of life searching for our very own IDENTITEA.
Sincerely,
Nick Bosco
Korean-Italian Adoptee
Father of 2 Mixed Race Children
Identitea Pen Name:
VENTI - SOY TAZO CHAI
This blog, IDENTITEA is about finding the answers to those undying questions we have about who we are. Are you your black half, white half, Asian half? Are you a believer in nature over nurture or vice-versa? Are you gay, straight, bi? These are tough questions to ask. It's even tougher to find people who share in your experience who might be able to help you find the answers.
If you have questions or comments please send them to : nick.bosco@verizon.net
Either I can answer them in this blog or one of our other bloggers can. We hav a network of IDENTITEA writers who can get other posts from other adoptee's, adoptive parents, mixed race children, mixed race couples and more.
The goal of this blog is to become a resource for all of us stuck in the Starbucks of life searching for our very own IDENTITEA.
Sincerely,
Nick Bosco
Korean-Italian Adoptee
Father of 2 Mixed Race Children
Identitea Pen Name:
VENTI - SOY TAZO CHAI
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