Definitions:
Narcissistic injury: a threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or worth.
Narcissistic rage: a reaction to narcissistic injury (when the narcissist feels degraded by another person). When the narcissist's grandiose sense of self worth is perceivably being attacked by another person, the narcissist's natural reaction is to rage and pull-down the self worth of others (to make the narcissist feel superior to others). It is an attempt by the narcissist to soothe their internal pain and hostility, while at the same time rebuilding their self worth. Narcissistic rage should not be confused with anger (although the two are similar), and is not necessarily caused by a situation that would typically provoke anger in an individual.[2] Narcissistic rage also occurs when the narcissist is perceivably being prevented from accomplishing their grandiose fantasies.[3]
How does this play into identity?
I have transitioned in and out of about 5 different identities in the past 3 years. 1. I was married and walked the walk of the married man. I was a full time dad, I took on the role of a private catholic high school teacher, I became a Korean American Leader in the USA as a memeber of NETKAL (netkal.org) and became a Korean American Leader on a global scale as a member of Overseas Korean Foundation's 11 leadershp Class (http://www.okf.or.kr/eng/index.html) I was a home owner, now I rent, I was president and Ceo of my company, now I'm a partner and creative director. I was a victim of police brutality, now I'm a recipient of a settlement from the city of New York City. On may 20th 2009, I became a single parent of full legal and physical custody of my two children which is going to take some time to get used to again. I'll miss many networing events and great opportunities to make new contacts but I'll have control over what my kids start to get excited about through educational enrichment and development of skills and talents which remain untapped.
I remember at one time I refered to myself as the Korean, Italian, African American Jew. reason being was I was born in Korea, Raised by italians, Married an African American woman and performed at 5 jewish bar mitzvahs a weekend in the north shore area of Chicago.
I know one thing is true about me, trying to focus on just being one of those many things/identities/personalities, that I was in this turbulant time in my life was and is very difficult. But I do feel that in my mid 30's I've achieved a certail level of understanding about those faces that I put on in different circles. But more than ever I'm just trying to be me.
Tonight, my daughter and my son were coming to grips with the fact that they will not see mommy very much. My son is very upset about it. In order to ensure that my son's transition out of the staus quo of 50/50 split custody is smooth I'm instituting an open door policy for my children. The policy is - if in the AM i.e. (before we go to school) ether or both of the kids want to see Mommy that day I'll arrange for mommy to pick them up after school and they can stay with her until 7:30 pm. Logicalical and reasonable. (this is where faith comes in) because the children's mommy would never consider such a thing.
As I think about it even deeper i am reminded that my two beautiful children are my only known blood relatives that I have a relationshop with and I almost lost them into an abyss of baggage-infused teachings of alienation and resentment for their father, creatiing a gap and a rift inan otherwise functional father son.daughter relationship.
So right now the identity hat that I'm wearing is that of the single dad of 2 again with legal and physical custodial responsibilities.
Wish me luck, I'll keep you posted as life happends.
Also, I'll be shooting a series of video blogs called the Bizzy Dad! Subscribe to my you tube page and you'll get first look at what the Bizzy Dad is up to.
The Bizzy Dad!
AKA Venti soy tazo chai
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